How to overcome perfectionism and start living authentically

Common signs of perfectionism

Fear of failure

If you’re a perfectionist, failure probably feels like the worst thing ever. Just the thought of making a mistake might stop you from even trying. This fear keeps us stuck, holds us back from growth and new experiences because we’re too focused on everything that could go wrong.

If you struggle with fear of failure you might:

• Stick to what feels “safe”
• Avoid tasks unless you’re sure you’ll succeed
• Focus more on avoiding mistakes than enjoying the process

Reflection questions:

• What fears come up when I think about failing?
• How do I usually react when things don’t go as planned?
• What opportunities have I missed because I was afraid of failing?

Perfectionists often get stuck in analysis paralysis. For a step-by-step approach to making decisions without overthinking, check out our ‘Decision-Making & Prioritization Workbook’ which includes specific exercises for moving past perfectionist tendencies.

Procrastination

Procrastination and perfectionism often go hand in hand. When the pressure to do something perfectly is overwhelming, it’s easier to put it off. You tell yourself you’ll start when you’re “ready” or when things are “just right,” but that moment never comes.

The signs you’re procrastinating because of perfectionism are:

• You spend more time planning than actually doing,
• You avoid starting tasks until you feel perfectly prepared,
• You leave things until the last minute, hoping the pressure will push you to perform flawlessly.

Reflection questions:

• When do I tend to procrastinate?
• What thoughts or feelings come up when I think about starting something challenging?
• How might my perfectionism be contributing to my procrastination?

Overly critical self-talk

If you’re a perfectionist you’re probably your own worst critic. Even the tiniest mistakes feel huge which leads to endless self-criticism. Instead of focusing on what went well, you get stuck on small mistakes, replaying them in our mind over and over, beating yourself up and destroying that little piece of confidence that’s still there. 

If your self-talk is too critical you:

• Focus on what you did wrong, even when most things went well,
• Have an inner voice that loves to point out flaws or mistakes,
• Rarely celebrate wins because you focus on what could’ve been better.

Reflection questions:

• How do I speak to myself when I make a mistake?
• What would I say to a friend in the same situation?
• Can I identify one positive thing I did, even when I’m being hard on myself?

Learning to speak to yourself with kindness is crucial for overcoming perfectionism – get specific techniques in our Practical guide to positive self-talk: Tips and techniques.

Difficulty finishing tasks

When perfection is the goal, nothing ever feels “good enough” to be done. That leads you to keep tweaking and reworking, chasing that impossible standard of making something flawless. This turns even the simplest tasks into long, frustrating processes that leave you feeling stuck.

If that’s what you struggle with:

• You spend way too much time perfecting small details,
• You hesitate to share your work, because “it’s not ready”,
• You feel uneasy about completing tasks, because you fear they won’t meet your standards.

Reflection questions:

• Do I often feel like my work isn’t “good enough” to be done?
• How much time do I spend refining small details? Is it proportionate to the task?
• What’s the worst that could happen if I called something done and moved on?

Seeking external validation

If you’re a perfectionist, your self-worth might depend on getting approval from others. You might rely on praise to feel good about our efforts, but even the slightest criticism, constructive or not, can be crushing. This non stop need for validation can make you not trust yourself and look for validation from others.

How seeing external validation shows up in life:

• You frequently ask others for feedback or reassurance,
• You feel anxious or discouraged when you don’t receive praise,
• Even the smallest criticism feels personal and it’s hard to forget it.

Reflection questions:

• How much do I rely on others’ praise to feel good about my efforts?
• How do I handle criticism, even when it’s constructive?
• What would it look like if I trusted my own judgment more?

All-or-nothing thinking

Seeing things in extremes is another perfectionist thing. Whatever you do is either a total win or a complete failure, there’s no in-between. This black-and-white thinking makes it hard for you to appreciate progress or effort you put in, because the focus is always on whether the outcome was perfect or not.

All or nothing thinking gets you to:

• See anything that’s less than perfect as a failure,
• Struggle to celebrate small wins because they don’t feel “good enough”,
• Feel like your efforts are wasted if the result isn’t flawless.

Reflection questions:

• How often do I see my efforts as either a complete success or a total failure?
• Have there been times when I made progress but didn’t give myself credit because it wasn’t perfect?
• What could I gain by celebrating small wins or progress, even if the outcome isn’t perfect?

Lets imagine someone who dreams of starting a a new business or learning a new skill. Every time they consider starting perfectionism takes over – they worry about what others will think, whether they’ll be good enough, if they’ll make mistakes, how to do this and that and overthinking every little detail when in reality they should just start.

But instead of moving forward, they stay stuck, missing out on doing something they really want and the growth that would bring because they’re too afraid of doing it “imperfectly.” This black-and-white thinking often stems from a fixed mindset – learn how to develop more flexibility in Fixed vs growth mindset.

Reflection questions: 

• In what areas of my life do I feel the need to be perfect?
• How does this need affect my choices and well-being?
• Where do I notice the signs of perfectionism showing up most often (e.g., work, relationships, personal goals)?
• How do these behaviors impact my ability to enjoy the present and make progress?
• How has perfectionism negatively impacted my life?
• What moments or opportunities have I missed out on because of my need to be perfect? 
• What’s my thought process before I start something? Do I go through every little detail in my mind before even starting or do I just start and deal with mistakes when they arise?

Take a few moments to answer these questions and reflect on where perfectionism shows up in your life. Are there certain tasks, goals, or situations where you feel pressure to meet perfect standards? How does this pressure affect your mindset, actions, and overall well-being?