Why you can’t make decisions and how to break free from decision paralysis
You know that thing where you’re trying to make a decision and you just… can’t? Like you’re literally frozen, going in circles, making pros and cons lists that get longer every day?
That’s not about the decision. That’s decision paralysis.
The reality is, how weird it might sound right now, is that you already know what you want to do. You’ve probably known for weeks. But you’re scared to admit it because then you’d have to actually do something about it.
So instead, you research. You ask seventeen different people what they think. You wait for some magical sign from the universe. You tell yourself you’re “being thorough.”
You’re not being thorough. You’re being terrified.
What’s actually happening when you can’t decide
Your brain sees this decision as life or death. That ancient part of your mind that kept your ancestors alive? It thinks choosing wrong means you’re going to die.
So it does what it’s supposed to do – it freezes you. Better to stay put than risk making the “wrong” move and ending up as sabertooth tiger food.
Except you’re not avoiding tigers. You’re avoiding living your actual life.
While you’re sitting there “thinking about it,” opportunities are walking past you. Other people are taking action. Time is moving forward whether you’re ready or not.
And honestly, every day you don’t choose, you’re choosing anyway. You’re choosing to stay stuck. You’re choosing to let fear run your life. You’re choosing to abandon yourself.
Signs you’re stuck in analysis paralysis
“I need more information.” No, you don’t. You need more courage. You already know enough to make most decisions. You’re just hoping if you research long enough, someone else will make the choice for you.
“What if I’m wrong?” What if you’re right? What if there is no “wrong”? What if the only real mistake is wasting your life being afraid of making mistakes?
“I don’t want to disappoint anyone.” Translation: “I’m willing to disappoint myself every single day to maybe possibly avoid disappointing someone else who probably isn’t even thinking about my choice.”
“I’m just not ready yet.” You’re never going to feel ready. Ready isn’t a feeling you wait for – it’s something you become by doing the thing that scares you. The truth is, small promises build more confidence than waiting to feel ready ever will.
“I need to think about it more.” You’ve already thought about it more than your rent payment. Your first gut reaction was probably spot on, but your mind has spent weeks talking you out of trusting yourself.
Most of your decision paralysis isn’t about being an adult making adult choices. It’s about being a scared kid who learned that making the wrong choice meant something terrible would happen.
Maybe your parents freaked out every time you messed up. Maybe you got compared to your perfect sibling constantly. Maybe love only showed up when you did everything “right.”
So now, ten, twenty, thirty years later, you’re still that scared kid inside, terrified that one wrong move will prove you’re not good enough, smart enough, worthy enough.
Your inner critic is running the show: “What if they think you’re stupid? What if you fail? What if everyone sees you don’t have your shit together?”
So you freeze. Because if you don’t choose, you can’t be wrong. If you don’t try, you can’t fail. If you don’t step forward, nobody can see that you’re just making it up as you go along. This pattern of being too hard on yourself creates a cycle where every decision feels life-or-death.
News flash: Everyone is making it up as they go along.
Your body knows things your mind will never figure out
While your brain is having a complete meltdown, your body has been trying to tell you the answer this whole time.
When you think about option A, does your chest feel tight or open? Do you want to slouch or stand taller? Does your breathing get shallow or deeper?
When you imagine choosing option B, does your stomach drop or flutter with excitement? Do you feel heavy or light?
Your body processes information way faster than your thinking mind. It picks up on things your conscious brain misses entirely. But you’ve been taught to ignore it, haven’t you? To only trust “logic” and “reason.”
Except most life decisions aren’t math problems. They’re about values and desires and paths that don’t fit on a spreadsheet.
Stop treating your gut feelings like they’re irrelevant. They’re literally your nervous system’s way of telling you what aligns with your deepest truth.
The cycle that’s keeping you trapped
Every time you avoid making a decision, you’re teaching yourself that you can’t handle it:
Something needs a choice → Your fear kicks in → You avoid/research/ask for opinions → You feel temporarily “safe” → You just proved to yourself that decisions are dangerous → Next time feels even scarier
This is why it gets worse, not better. You’re literally training yourself to be indecisive.
The only way out is through. You have to make choices before you feel ready. You have to prove to yourself that you can handle whatever happens next.
Breaking this cycle requires overcoming the self-sabotage pattern where you protect yourself by staying stuck.
How to start trusting yourself
Stop lying about what the real fear is. This isn’t about choosing the wrong college or job or relationship or something else. This is about being terrified that you’re not as smart/capable/worthy as you think you should be. Write down what you’re actually scared of. Look at it. Most fears are way less scary when you expose them.
Give yourself a deadline and stick to it. Pick a date. When that day comes, you choose based on what you know then, not what you might know if you wait another month. This isn’t about perfect decisions – it’s about training yourself to trust your judgment and move forward.
Pay attention to your first instinct. Before your mind started spinning, what did your gut say? Set a timer for 60 seconds and write down your immediate answer. Don’t think – just write. That’s usually your inner wisdom talking before fear takes over.
Make the choice, then make it work. Here’s what people who seem to have their stuff together know: You don’t succeed by making perfect choices. You succeed by making choices and then making them work through commitment and course-correction.
Use the “will this matter” test. Will this decision matter in a week? A month? A year? If it won’t matter in six months, spend six minutes deciding, not six weeks.
Stop caring what they think
Most people aren’t even paying attention to your choices. They’re too busy worrying about their own lives.
The people whose opinions you’re losing sleep over? Half of them won’t even notice what you decide. The other half will forget about it next week.
You’re torturing yourself over judgments that mostly exist in your head.
If you’re ready to dig deeper into these patterns and actually break free from decision paralysis for good, I’ve created a step-by-step workbook that walks you through exactly how to rewire these patterns. Our Decision making workbook gives you the daily practices to build unshakeable trust in your own judgment.
The truth about “wrong” decisions
There aren’t any.
Every choice teaches you something. Every path shows you what you value. Every “mistake” redirects you toward something better.
That job that sucked? It taught you what you don’t want and connected you with people who mattered. That relationship that didn’t work out? It showed you how to love yourself differently. That move that felt scary? It proved you’re braver than you thought.
You can’t make a choice that life can’t work with. The universe is way more flexible than your perfectionist brain wants to believe.
How to stop overthinking every choice:
When you’re facing your next decision:
- Get quiet and breathe. Drop out of your spinning thoughts and into your body.
- Name what you’re actually afraid of. (Hint: It’s not the decision.)
- Feel into your options. Which one makes you feel more alive, more like yourself?
- Set your deadline. Give yourself a reasonable time limit and honor it.
- Choose from your gut. Pick what feels most true to who you’re becoming.
- Let go of the outcome. You’ve done your part. Trust that you can handle whatever comes next.
Decision paralysis feels like you’re protecting yourself, but you’re actually destroying yourself in slow motion.
Every day you spend stuck is a day you’re not becoming who you’re meant to be. Every choice you avoid is a vote against your own capability.
Your gut has been waiting patiently for you to stop overthinking and start trusting it. It knows stuff your logical mind will never figure out.
The perfect decision doesn’t exist. But the right decision for right now? It’s there, and you already know what it is.
Stop abandoning yourself. Stop letting fear make your choices for you. Stop living your life in the waiting room.
If you’re ready to dig deeper into these patterns and actually break free from decision paralysis for good, I’ve created a step-by-step workbook that walks you through exactly how to rewire these patterns. Our Decision making workbook gives you the daily practices to build unshakeable trust in your own judgment.”
You might also benefit from the 5-why technique to understand what’s really behind your decision paralysis.
Your future self is counting on you to choose. Today.
Stop waiting for permission
I get it. Choosing feels scary because it means taking responsibility. It means you might mess up. It means people might judge you.
But here’s what’s scarier…waking up in five years and realizing you spent all that time waiting for permission that was never coming.
You don’t need more information. You don’t need more time. You don’t need anyone’s approval.
You need to trust that scared, imperfect, figuring-it-out-as-you-go person that you are. Because that person? They’re way more capable than your fear wants you to believe.
Choose. Trust. Move forward. Figure it out as you go.
That’s how everyone else is doing it too.
The questions you might be asking right now
“What if I’m afraid of making the wrong decision?”
The reality is that you’re more afraid of being judged for making the “wrong” choice than you are of the actual consequences. Most decisions aren’t life or death, even though your brain treats them like they are. And the “wrong” decision teaches you just as much as the “right” one. Stop trying to predict the future and start trusting that you can handle whatever comes next.
“How do I know if it’s my gut or just anxiety?”
Your gut feels expansive – like possibility opening up. Anxiety feels contractive – like everything is closing in. Your gut whispers; anxiety screams. Your intuition feels calm even when it’s suggesting something scary. Anxiety feels frantic and makes you want to research seventeen more options. If you’re spiraling and making lists, that’s anxiety. If you feel a quiet knowing, even if it’s uncomfortable, that’s your gut.
“Why do I overthink every choice I have to make?”
Because somewhere along the way, you learned that making mistakes was dangerous. Maybe your parents freaked out when you messed up. Maybe you got criticized instead of supported. Maybe love felt conditional on being “right” all the time. So now your brain thinks every choice is a test you might fail. The overthinking isn’t protecting you – it’s that scared kid inside trying to avoid getting in trouble. It’s time to tell that kid they’re safe now, and you’ve got this.
You already have everything you need
Here’s what I want you to remember when you close this article: You’re not broken. You don’t need fixing. You just need to remember how to trust the person you’ve always been underneath all that fear.
Every single decision you’ve avoided, every choice that’s kept you up at night, every moment you’ve felt paralyzed – it all comes down to one thing: You forgot that you’re capable of handling whatever life throws at you.
But you are. You’ve handled 100% of your worst days so far. You’ve figured out problems you never thought you could solve. You’ve survived heartbreak, disappointment, and uncertainty before.
The decision you’re avoiding right now? You can handle whatever comes from it too.
If you’re serious about ending the cycle of decision paralysis once and for all, I created something specifically for people like you – people who are tired of living in their heads and ready to start trusting their gut.
Our Decision making workbook doesn’t just give you theory. It gives real exercises that help you identify your triggers, trust your body’s wisdom, and make choices from confidence instead of fear.
Because you can read about trusting yourself all day long, but transformation happens when you actually practice it. When you prove to yourself, one small decision at a time, that you can handle whatever comes next.
Your future self is waiting for you to choose them. They’re counting on you to stop abandoning yourself and start believing in your own judgment.
The life you want is on the other side of your decisions.
Time to choose yourself.
