How to get out of survival mode: Small shifts to feel safer in your own life

What is survival mode? (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn)

Survival mode doesn’t always look like falling apart. Sometimes it looks like holding it together so tightly that you can’t remember how to let go.

Signs your nervous system is dysregulated

The “fight or flight” signs (mobilized energy):

• Always rushing, can’t relax, brain won’t turn off even when you’re trying to rest
• Irritable, jumpy, easily overwhelmed by small things
• Trouble sleeping (can’t fall asleep or stay asleep)
• Physical symptoms: stomach issues, headaches, tight chest, clenched jaw
• Constant low-level anxiety that you’ve gotten used to

Fight can show up as irritability, snapping at people, or feeling defensive even over small things.

The “freeze” signs (shutdown mode):

• Numbing out, scrolling for hours, zoning out mid-conversation
• Feeling disconnected from yourself or like you’re watching your life from outside
• Low energy, foggy brain, hard to care about things that used to matter
• Difficulty making decisions or taking action

The “fawn” signs (appease to stay safe):

• People-pleasing, saying yes when you mean no
• Overworking, over-functioning, “I can’t stop” energy
• Trying to control everything because uncertainty feels unbearable
• Taking care of everyone else’s emotions while ignoring your own

Why it happens

Your nervous system learned this response to protect you. Maybe it was one big event, or maybe it was years of chronic stress piling up: work pressure, financial strain, caregiving, relationship conflict, trauma, uncertainty, burnout.

The goal here isn’t perfection. It’s safety. And safety is something you can build, one small moment at a time.

The nervous system 101 (simple and useful)

Your nervous system has different states, and understanding them helps you know what you’re working with.

Fight or flight: Mobilized energy. Your body is ready to run or defend. Heart racing, anxiety, tension, restlessness. This is the “I can’t sit still” feeling.

Freeze/shutdown: Low energy, numb, stuck, foggy. Your body went into conservation mode. This is the “I can’t feel anything” or “I can’t move” feeling.

Fawn: Appease, people-please, take care of others to avoid conflict or threat. This is the “I’ll just keep everyone else happy so I stay safe” feeling.

Regulation: The place where you have more choice and less automatic reaction. You’re calm enough to think clearly, connected to yourself and others, able to rest.

Key idea: You don’t think your way out of survival mode first. You signal safety to your body, and then your brain comes back online.

Start with one truth: You don’t need to “earn” safety

Here’s what survival mode wants you to believe: once you finish the to-do list, once you prove yourself, once everything is handled, then you can relax.

That’s a lie your nervous system tells you to keep you moving.

Safety is a body experience, not a reward for finishing tasks.

Small moments of safety add up. Five seconds of feeling your feet on the ground. One full exhale. Ten minutes where no one needs anything from you. Think of these as safety cues, not treats.

How to get out of survival mode: 7 small shifts

You don’t need to do all of these. Pick one or two that feel doable and practice them for a week. That’s it.

A) Regulate your breath without forcing calm (60 seconds)

Try “longer exhale” breathing: inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts. Do this for 5 rounds.

A longer exhale can help signal safety and support your body’s calm-down response.

If breathwork feels hard or makes you more anxious, try humming or sighing out loud instead. Same effect, less pressure.

B) Grounding through your senses (30-90 seconds)

This pulls you out of your head and into the present moment.

The 5-4-3-2-1 method:

• Name 5 things you see
• 4 things you can physically feel (your feet on the floor, the chair against your back)
• 3 things you hear
• 2 things you smell
• 1 thing you taste

Or just press your feet into the floor and notice the support underneath you. Feel the chair, the ground, the wall. You’re held.

C) Release tension you don’t notice you’re holding

Right now, unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Soften your belly just 10%.

Do a quick tension scan from your forehead to your toes. Where are you holding tightness? You don’t have to fix it, just notice it and breathe into it.

Or try this: put one hand on your chest and one on your belly for 10 seconds. Feel the warmth and pressure. Let your shoulders drop.

Most of us walk around carrying tension we don’t even realize is there.

D) Gentle movement helps your body let go of stress

Your body stores stress. Movement helps release it.

Try:

• Slow walking (not exercise, just moving)
• Shaking out your arms and legs for 30 seconds
• Stretching your hips and shoulders
• Wall pushes (stand facing a wall, push against it for 10 seconds)

If you’re in freeze, start tiny: wiggle your toes, press your palms together, or stand up and sit down once.

A simple 2-minute “reset loop”: move for 60 seconds, take 3 deep breaths, drink water.

E) Build tiny boundaries that reduce constant threat signals

Your nervous system gets stuck in survival mode partly because it’s always responding to demands.

Small boundary wins:

• Say no to one thing this week that isn’t urgent
• Remove one obligation that’s “should” based, not necessary
• Create a 10-minute buffer between tasks (stop stacking everything back-to-back)

Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re how you tell your body it’s allowed to rest.

F) Create cues of safety in your environment

Your nervous system responds to environmental cues.

Simple safety signals:

• A warm drink in your hands
• A soft blanket or cozy sweater
• Dim lighting instead of harsh overhead lights
• A calming scent (lavender, eucalyptus, whatever you like)
• One “calm corner” at home: a chair, a throw blanket, a book, soft lighting

These aren’t luxuries. They’re nervous system regulation tools.

G) Talk to your nervous system like you would a child

Your nervous system is trying to protect you. It just doesn’t always know the difference between real danger and stress.

Simple phrases that help:

• “I’m here.”
• “We’re safe right now.”
• “This is hard, and I can handle this moment.”
• “It makes sense that I feel this way.”

Validate first. Problem-solve second.

Nervous system regulation: A simple daily safety plan

This isn’t another rigid routine to stress about. It’s a flexible framework.

Daily safety plan

Morning (2 minutes):

• Orient (look around the room slowly)
• 5 rounds of longer exhale breathing

Midday (2 minutes):

• Move (stretch, shake, walk)
• Drink water
• Unclench check (jaw, shoulders, belly)

Evening (5 minutes):

• Lower the lights
• Put your phone in another room (or face down)
• Body scan from head to toes

Weekly support

One restorative activity that is truly restorative, not “productive self-care.” This means rest that doesn’t have a goal. Sitting outside. Listening to music. Lying on the floor. Not catching up on tasks while calling it self-care.

One connection moment with a safe person. A friend, a therapist, a support group. Isolation keeps you stuck in survival mode. Connection tells your nervous system you’re not alone.

How to get out of fight or flight when you’re triggered

Use this when you feel panic, overwhelm, or freeze starting.

Step 1: Name it
Say out loud or in your head: “My body thinks something is wrong.” This creates a tiny bit of distance between you and the reaction.

Step 2: Orient
Look around. Find 3 neutral objects. Name them. “Window. Plant. Coffee cup.” This interrupts the threat response.

Step 3: Exhale longer, relax hands, feel feet
One long exhale. Open your hands (we clench when stressed). Feel your feet on the ground.

Step 4: Choose the next small action
Not the whole plan. Just the next 10 minutes. What’s one thing that makes right now easier?

Quick version: Look around, name 3 things, long exhale, relax hands, feel feet, choose the next 10 minutes.